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CallMeDaddy

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  1. I hate Canada Post. I live in Alberta- yeah I know. However, as if that is not depressing enough, expecting any kind of half-decent service to the back of God's back is like waiting at the dinner table for your daddy from the Bronx, 12 years after he said he was going to the store for milk. Nevermind the daily stress of being shit on because you were born, the lack of an economy and the downright soul bleeder that is the dim reality of the struggling province - Canada Post has entered the chat with the aim to ensure you buy a $12 rope and a $27 stepstool from the nearest Home Depot. Almost a week ago now, I ordered via "Xpresspost" - which must be CP lingo for "we scam you into paying for 'expedited' service, throwing your shit into a bin somewhere until we get so bored at scratching our dicks and stalking our ex on Instagram that we finally ship your package for shits and giggles. All the while, we gaslight you into thinking we actually give a fuck. Yes siree, you can be sure to see us scan your soon-to-be-forgotten package we couldn't give a fuck about at the register, so that it shows the first intake scan on the first day of the tracker - but nothing else. Yes, we know that even 6 days later we'll leave you kneeling at the wrinkled foreskin of our shriveled coked-out dicks waiting for a reward that could be at worst be our forced putrid piss stream broken into 26 short bursts of urea over 5 minutes or, to our surprise and yours, your tracked parcel update - with the help of Jesus an 'Out For Delivery' notice. It's never a fun time to have already done everything asked of you immediately, paying for whatever the fuck Xpresspost promises to be, only to be chain-yanked along a hopeless abyss of corporate lies and bullshit to justify an under-funded and poorly managed distribution system, built on soviet era technology and the tears of grown men. Fuck you, Canada Post. FUCK YOU!
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