a_ahmed

tldr, lol jk, thats actually some good stuff

Just wanna add I am feeling pretty good, my appetite is normalizing. I am looking better. Keeping the 2-3g NAC a day routine and 2-4g vitamin c. I would love to get some UDCA or TUDCA and run 1g of that a day but that shit is expensive. Back in the day I could get it cheap from the states, but no more. Amazon sells it overpriced.. As mentioned in @Mikk0090's other thread and in here, I am tempted to get NPP and tbol, but I am doing good, just need to stay consistent. I am greedy not gonna lie. I want a fast come back and not only that but progress. Sidenote: only thing that's bothering me lately is that I think I have overused caffeine and albuterol. I don't get the same stim kick as before, definitely no shakes like before too and BT's stuff is bomb! Kinda making me sad! I can always up the dose, run 400mg caffeine (which is not unheard of that's what most preworkouts have) and more albuterol (which will work), but... and I could always throw in ephedrine (it just works on it's own, not so much for fat loss, but more so for the stim kick). When winter hits I MIGHT do a run of DNP again but only at a low dose of 200mg. Last december when I ran DNP it was at 400mg and a few days if I recall at 600mg for a day or two, for a total of a week or so. I was all home alone and was able to manage that with an open window LOL. Combined with BT's tren-suspension I was an animal at the gym but had horrible lethargy throughout the day and horrible sleep LOL. I want/need fast results haha... I don't like being fat! No matter how muscular or strong you get, being fat looks/feels shit!

Today's workout was descent, I am deloading more or less, so I am not trying to push really hard, I hurt my right bicep last Friday (when I was all feeling shit and super flat/small). When I was pushing empty like that, easy to get injured... Felt good. Wife was being nice today, which made me feel better. We went out and got some shoes, drove around. She's talking about starting to lift with me again, but gonna wait on that till she gets serious again. Also ate Jamaican jerk chicken my fav food. I love it. Still hungry but whatever. Weight is also up which eh is weird 264lbs, I am not leaner per say so that's not good either, but I am stronger overall so I guess that's good lol. Wednesday August 19 2020 Start 3:55pm Finish 4:41pm Seated rowing machine Pain in right bicep causing me issues on all sets, went lower on all 155x14 less than last time, felt I gotta go easy from here on 155x8 155x10 170x6 170x7 170x7 underhand 170x7 only thing screwing me is right Bicep pain 170x6 Single arm pull downs This was my fav exercise today felt really good, tried to squeeze at the bottom on each rep. 100x13+10 100x13 110x11 110x13 120x10 120x8 125x10 125x8 Lateral Delt life fitness machine 110x18 125x16 125x10 ezz actually but damn I really hurt that right Bicep affecting me bad, I am confident this is from last Friday when I had zero pumps and I pushed as hard as I could 140x8 140x7 140x6 Hammer strength trap plate machine 90x15 slow n focused with pauses 180x10 180x10 180x7 Reverse deck 100x13 100x10 70x15 70x15 just trying to finish off with pumps 70x11 Had to run back as wife wanted us to go out, and I was tired/hungry, otherwise I would have done some more pump stuff just to get more inflated lol

LMAO @ soldier Yeah I dont know how people always say they have sex-drive issues on tren, I become an animal, it actually boosts sex drive for me. I need my sleep and work under control, then i'll get more aggressive with my regiment I am craving NPP and tbol man! But I want to settle down a bit, why break a thing that's working. Throwing in SD was a bad move on my part. Var and Stano were doing me so good. I even had BP under control. Like yesterday's squats went really well, I was happy with my workout. Feeling the burn today. I was fully pumped, strong, BP was under control, breathing was under control even with a mask, considering I went heavier. So I'll wait it out, but it's always fun to talk about it all haha. Man college days and when I was younger and free-er, I could do crazy things since I had a luxury of time to train, eat, etc... getting old sucks

I would run deca all year long if it weren't for deca dick and then the bloof and when you come off you come off worse. While on it's frickin great. I mean you know what I mean when I say how smooth heavy lifts feel, you just feel butter smooth through the motions no matter how heavy a deadlift or squat, no shakes, no cracks, no creaks, just comfort and pumps. The fullness and vein size is unreal on me.. but yeah... I may throw in NPP in one of my next orders. Not gonna jack your thread, but as you know I dropped the SD, got on some tren and might compensate with some npp and get the best of both worlds while staying safe I'm getting old too (I'm just a tad older than you), and I am realizing what I used to handle before is not the same. I like to feel good and make gains not just make gains and feel crap lol

I've done test/tren/deca, but I preferred test/tren/npp/mast. Deca always gave me deca-dick no matter what ancillaries I used so I hated using it for that reason. However if you don't have a sex life lol... It always got me huge, pumped and dinosaur sized veins (nothing gave me huge veins like deca and dbol...) I also always loved lifting super heavy on deca... no shaking, no stiffness, no aches, just butter smooth heavy ass weight... I've run deca up to 900mg and yes with tren and test in the mix. In earlier days I ran up to 1g of test or slightly over with that much deca, then later on I would do 600mg tren, 600-900mg deca and <400mg test. NPP/mast on the other hand that was a game changer... a lot less gains, but cleaner quality gains, fullness, pumps, not as smooth lifts, but still some smoothness. In fact we were just talking about tbol... and well usually I used to start off a blast with tbol in the mix for fast quality gains and pumps... but when I weaned off tbol and stayed on NPP/mast, I would retain the majority and still retain the fullness/pumps. So that's my two cents... Also it's not unheard of mixing deca/tren... they are different drugs with different results... Oh and both deca and NPP made me very hungry which was good for gains... unfortunately once I got off deca I looked fatter and shittier every single time lol.. so that's another reason I never run deca anymore. NPP again different story, I like NPP/mast over deca in this blend... I also never run test over 400mg now... I believe in the low test, higher everything practice...

Tuesday August 18 2020 Start 513pm Finish 610pm Gym was mad lined up when I was leaving... scared me, literally 20 ppl waiting to enter! Outer hip abductor overall feeling better than last workout 280x30 good 295x27 great 295x20 tired n done Inner hip abductor overall feeling better than last workout 280x22 ok 280x17 bit tired 280x12 tired n done here Leg extensions 200x18 good 220x17 good 240x13 felt great! Leg curls 155x13 felt great 155x10 better than last time, hopefully by next session I'll be repping out even more reps/volume Calf raises plates 90x25 90x25 felt way better on this set Squats All better/good 275x7 295x3 right brachialis Bicep pain 315x4 335x2 355x1 first time in a long time lifting this weight, felt good 365x1 sorta poor but yay did it Injected early morning today 200mg tren-e 120mg test-e (0.3ml t400) 200mg mast-e Took full pill of Aromasin last night Today/pre-workout pills 2x BT Anavar 2X BT Stanolone 1X BT Cialis for pump/BP issue management (i never use it for libido just this btw) 2x BT Cardarine 200mg caffeine 1x BT Albuterol (I think it's losing its effectiveness at this point, I always thought Albuterol could be run indefinitely due to it's short half life) Mood / Thoughts: I was seriously depressed/dreadful the night before so I took 1/2 day off work and worked 1/2 a day, Tonight again I can't sleep I am so stressed and depressed. I have approximately 30 projects due by the end of the year, which normally would take an entire year but due to COVID I am expected to complete in 3 months by my crazy boss. He doesn't care that it's not feasible (he knows it's not but he wants to look good in front of the executive team). I know what I'll have to do to manage the situation, but it's stressful to deal with it and it will still going to be so much work. As is I am already having a headache wrapping my head around the massive amount of information and resource management. I couldn't wait to finish work to hit the gym to clear my mind. I turned the negativity into rage and the workout went fantastic... good focus, pumps, I zoned out with not one damn given around me, I just walked set to set in my own little world... When I got home a bad situation transpired with the spouse, it broke my heart to see her cry again and break down again. I literally felt shot through the heart her saying that nothing will ever make her happy except having a child. At this point I wish I'd just off myself for her so I don't exist. No matter what I am or who I am or what we've achieved together she doesn't see it and she is fixated always on negative thoughts or things that she wants in life this very second or that she doesn't have or can't have. We can never enjoy life because she has a very different approach to living. I see all the good while she always only sees the bad and is very fixated on the bad. I don't know how to work on this.

Thanks brother, a lot on my mind for sure, but I'll push through! Monday August 16 2020 Start 504pm Finish 551pm Smith machine Empty x 15 20x30 40x20 50x22 60x15 70x10 90x7 ok considering it's been so long since I did any kind of shoulder training because of my injury 70x8 needed to stop because of right shoulder, enough for today Lateral plate raises 10x20 Just to get some blood in Lateral db raises 35x10 40x12 42.5x12 45x5 had to stop pain in right shoulder Front db raise 42.5x10 45x8 Life fitness delt fly machine 130x13 pain in right shoulder 130x8 too much pain in right shoulder had to stop Reverse deck 130x15 130x11>100x14 100x10 100x9 85x17

I was considering tgat actually... But it ends up costing more. Its an ultra amazing drug and oral stack. Lots of older guys used to stack var n tbol together with amazing results. I used to look my best on that with mast prop n tren ace. Strations and pumps all in one fr me. All day unbelievable pumps and fullness while waist trims Well I'll continue without sd for now... N maybe n next order consider getting it but I'll take it ezz.. I did a nice half hour session today trying to hit shoulders for the first time. Still right shoulder is not playing nice

Okay, I am definitely 'feeling' better today, so SD is off the table for me. About to make some food, was gonna bbq and lo and behold a big thunder storm raining down I will possibly do a light workout today too, to continue off yesterday's short half hour, then tomorrow do something heavier. Let it be a deload week of sorts for me.

lmao, that is so true, you can look awesome at the gym, then you try to take home pix, and it's like who is this man LOL

Damn, COVID did a number on you, but good gains came back man. My ass got super fat, I feel that takes me longer to undo than gains in strength and size. At least you remained lean

Today's redo attempt but had to leave cause gym was closing early on a weekend, it was enough to make me feel better, get a bit of a pump and to bring back my appetite when I got home. Sunday August 16 2020 Had to wait a good 20+ minutes in line... Start 430 Finish 500pm Decline bench 135x27 155x20 175x13 175x7 195x8 Db curl 42.5x11 pain in right bicep 45x9 ok 45x9 45x8 50x7 hammer curls 50x8 hammers Tri rope 35x20 42.5x14 42.5x18 tough So while on paper the above kinda sucked, it made me feel better and I was starting to get a pump and fill out... so to be continued...

And to add to the above, BT's stuff is legit and strong and SD is no joke. I just can't handle it like I used to I suppose.. I still have it on hand so maybe on some deadlift days I may pulse 10-20mg, but for now, nope. I miss halotestin, that stuff made me actually feel good... Also wifey might start training with me again, that may be a good or bad thing lol, I am on pace, training almost like my old days where I am determined and focused, very zoned out, in and out of the gym. She may not keep up and may want me to leave early before I'm done. At the same time I want her to train and feel good too. Have to take it easy with her in the start. I always did, but I knew when to push her. She was my favorite person to train and train with, and I've trained and trained with a few competitors and she was still my fav person to train/train with Very determined/focused girl. But after over 8 months out of gym more or less, and not feeling so great about herself I want to do my best to make her feel good but I still don't wana stop my pace. I love her to bits. Here was the last two workouts (same routine attempted despite the issues): Friday August 14 2020 Start 5:54pm Finish 7:23pm Had to crawl and push through this session from misery and lack of pump Pills 1x BT SD 2x BT Cialis (hoping to keep BP down didnt work) 2x BT Anavar 2x BT Stanolone 3x Cardarine (didn't help felt miserable) 200mg Caff (didn't help) 1x BT Alb (didn't help) Very flat despite cialis, I looked miserable in the face, horrible skin, droopy eyes, literally smaller overall everywhere, I looked fatter like I gained 10lbs-15lbs fatter. Full on tire around me wtf........ Reverse deck 130x18 hard but I did it very focused... 130x16 same 130x11 same 130x6 Decline bench All worse 155x15 no pump totally flat 155x15 175x11 blah 175x12 blah 175x6 195x8 195x5 Db curl 40x8 terrible like my arms shrunk hardcore no pump and left wrist hurting bad 40x9 42.5x9 slightly better 45x8 sort of a pump... 45x5 blah 45x7 blah 45x7 Tricep rope Sort of started feeling pump 30x15 30x15 45x16 Five min on phone with wife, took a pause and lost what little pump I had here lol 45x6 35x19 35x19 35x12 waste to do anymore here Flat bar cable Bicep curl Pathetic, like I catabolized my arms 35x9 35x12 35x6 Life fitness delt fly machine I actually did more reps AND no pain on right shoulder which made me feel good, but no pump lol 110x25 110x25 125x12 125x18 140x15 140x10 done... Facepull Finished off some light stuff

Second day of NAC, I took 3g of NAC today and 4g of vit c. Long story short, compared to Friday which was misery, I was finally starting to feel better. I dropped SD and will keep it off, won't even pulse and like you said doing exactly the same, I will stay on tren and see how things move along. Today was a redo of Friday and it was 'better'. I actually got some pumps, gut going down. Feeling better. Sat I slept a good 9-10 hours. Sunday I slept a good 9 hours... by afternoon started feeling better. Hopefully tomorrow is an even better day. I am getting old too... sometimes less is more I am just getting old... also I am sensitive to certain foods and combined with working the liver, well yeah it'll all go haywire... plus stress from last week, lack of sleep, stress from work, all converging at me at once. I was spent and burnt out... At least I got to cuddle up and rest up with the wife all weekend long. Got to see parents... and today's workout while barely half an hour made me feel a tad better. Appetite coming back also made me feel better.

I slept over 9 Hours and still tired. Also for the first time got darker urine. So it may have been a bad idea getting greedy lol. Barely ate all day so tired I cant move. Taking day off. I bought 120x 1g NAC pills and took one today... I may just drop sd and tren if it impacts me this bad. I am maybe just getting old lol...

Today was the worst workout yet. I'll post more details. My gut is like I gained 15lbs... I have a tire around me wtf? I never had these issues this bad i the past and I've run sdrol many times, pulsed it, etc... same with tren as high as 700mg of ace.... (in better more hardcore days...) I was reading and it seems I should try some glutamine to help... I am like a pregnant man and nothing seems to be absorbing I am SO flat... no pump, everywhere I look smaller wtf? First few days I looked epic, full, pumped, bigger and LEANER... now.. I look like a total wreck... and feel crap. Also no drive/aggression. Had to really push myself mentally

LOL yeah i occasionally use cialis for that very reason and for pumps. I get sides from Viagra (clogged nose and dry eyes), so I haven't used it in a very very long time. Viagra has given me random boners in the past outside and at the gym, totally unintentional, it's very uncomfortable because it's just random, it's quite embarrassing when you're deadlifting and your thing is hanging out there No it's not a full on boner, but it's 'alive' LOL Yeah I think I may half the sdrol... down to 10mg... it's still effective. Tren is weird, it can both flatten me, burn up carbs like nothing, but then boom the bloat can happen too and then you bloof out. So strange.

Thursday August 13 2020 Start 120pm Finish 220pm I had quite a bit of anxiety today from work. They are planning to make us go back into the office and I have a very long commute so I am not looking forward to that and I have so many projects lined up (what would normally take a whole year) which I somehow magically have to complete in 3 months. I can just take it all one thing at a time. I was gonna look for another job, but my job is safe during COVID.. but I am tired of the commute if I go back. If I could find something close to home and better paid I'd leave in a heart beat. Seated rows I did everything a tad more but at this point the progress is slowing down. I shouldn't go higher on any weight till it gets butter smooth in my opinion... 155x20 165x17 170x13 175x12 180x11 180x12 hard.. 180x6 dead tired Single pulldowns Pushed more reps and weight on everything, but due to the abdominal bloat, I feel like my muscles were really flat nothing was really absorbed. 110x20 115x16 120x9 120x10 really hard 125x11 125x13 125x14 Played Ab machine 70x8 70x8 70x11 Side oblique db 65x16 65x4>70x5>75x5 I am hoping tomorrow I'll not be bloated. I intend to train arms and decline bench, some shoulders, traps, rear delts, the usual routine. But wife has plans already... so urgh I'll see how I squeeze it in.

lol@plumber Yeah I suspect as much with the orals, well sdrol specifically. Trying to really push my water intake high up but yeah... def stress... Just trying to be nice to the wife but she's being very aggressive to me... and I am helpless... just have to take it all one step at a time... depressing... I injected 200mg tren-e and mast-e I don't think I mentioned it few days ago and will do so tomorrow 100mg tren-e and 200mg test-e and 200mg mast-e. For a total of 200mg test-e, 400mg mast-e and 300mg tren-e. Just this week.. trying to get an aggression boost... Wednesday august 12 2020 Start 515pm Finish 625pm Outer hip abductor All higher than last time 285x28 280x5>295x22 295x20 Inner hip abductor All higher than last time 280x25 300x20 305x14 Leg extensions All higher than last time 190x19 210x17 230x12 Leg curls 155x13 damn hard but heavier than last time 155x9 tough didn't have more in me Squats Did more weight, but had BP issues, bloat and stress. I am confident I would have done out way more reps were it not for the BP and stress... I still managed to close on 3rd hole (which is better than when I started) 185x12 nice n low 235x6 BP issue a bit 285x5 BP issues 305x3 325x2 Calf raises 90x23 140x6 weak

Will post an update just waiting to put Wifey to bed I've been insanely bloated last few days not sure I understand why but wife made some pancakes few days ago with blueberries n i think it may be it cuz im looking pregnant last three days... Weight not dropping! I feel clogged and im drinking tons of water

This was yesterday Tuesday august 11 2020 Start 4:50pm Finish 5:50pm Home workout, was feeling blah but I tried to hype and push myself Sideways rotator band movement 15x20 slow 45x9 45x12 45x12 45x6 45x7 Rear rotator band 15x20 15x20 15x20 15x14 15x14 15x20 Floor Press system C3x25 C2x23 C1x27 C4x17 C3x12 C2x14 C2x18 C4x7 inclined position have to be careful due to shoulders but attempting Single arm band pulls upwards of delts, to hit rear delt and to help with my bicep tendonitis rehab 45x12 45x12 I slept badly, had a rough day and bad news, next three months work-wise gonna be jam packed. Not looking forward to it. Tried to take a nap but no go, so going to just go to gym now for legs I injected 200mg tren-e and 200mg mast-e today. Off I go to the gym!

I'll try to do my home workout today then tomorrow legs at gym. Trying my best to be around the wife to make her feel better, not that I'm feeling great myself. We'll pull through, only so many things in our control and in our hands. It's gonna be real tough to get another 18k... I don't know what to do but it is what it is... These clinics are money hungry heartless aholes. They raised their prices like 3 times in the past few years and the meds are high up there too... We're thinking doing it another country but itll still cost roughly the same....when you account for tickets and all. The messed up part is I only have one frozen sample... if I lose that I'll have to get off and do some serious HCG, clomid, aromasin, HMG whatever it takes to try and produce something... which may take a whole year or who knows.. I had these fertility and hormone issues way before I even knew what steroids actually are, I never took gear or anything like that, until after I got put on HRT. A lot to take in emotionally, mentally and physically as well as to try and make the wife feel better. It's a horrible feeling that all of this is because of me and my condition.. and obviously also lack of money since they make the whole ordeal so expensive. It's hard to hear the wife talk about how the only thing she wants is a child, and I can't do anything about it. When it comes to adopting we'd want to too but it's also 30k-40k from what I understand... it's kind of sad that even adopting a child who you want ot help and raise costs so much. Everything is made a business it's disgusting. WIth that said, wife still breaks down and tells me she still wants her own, and of coures I know the feeling. I want a mini her and a mini me. I love children regardless, so even adopting a child I am okay with, but, whichever way we look it's so hard. I am very emotional and touchy, the wife is not, she closes off, so while I'd like to comfort her and cuddle up to her, she is in a bad mood and I can't do too much. Just have to try and comfort her as best as I can under the circumstances.

I've had a horrendous morning... wife and I cried for a good hour together... really heart broken and I am honestly blaming myself, were it not for me and my stupid condition this wouldn't be an issue for us... I am now on my 5th IVF in my life time, 2 with my ex and 3 with my wife... The eggs didn't go into blastocyst and arrested on the 6th day... we are so angry at the clinic.. as there is an argument between 3rd day and 5th day blastocyst and freezing and implantation on either of the day. Last year we had 5 healthy embryos that arrested by day 5, but they refuse to freeze them or use them... you can implant the 3rd day and it can still mature fully... but they prefer to do 5th day if its full blastocyst.... long story short... but its easy for them to say whatever arrogant answer they have... when we just spent 20 grand..... money i had to pull out from RRSP and other shit very hard... they are even more expensive now than ever before.... we are broke... and heart broken worst of all... i have one more frozen sample... and no money... It pained me so much, but it pained me a hundred times more to watch my wife cry for an hour straight... I feel like she hates me... It hurts me so much looking at hair break down.... Last time we did it she was pregnant but our baby became abnormal at around 10 or 13 weeks.... and we had to abort it... I was so happy when she was pregnant, but it turned into the worst feeling when we found out there was problems... it was the worst feeling... I broke down in the hospital... went through a lot of hell with my wife for a whole year as a result of it... it affected her a lot.... They did tests afterwards and found it was 'environmental factors'... not genetic, etc... whatever the hell that means to them in other words they have no answer....... And this time no embryos made it by day 6... its traumatizing... we argued with the doctor.. but they insisted blastocyst only.. Why did I have to have this stupid condition since my 20s... the funny thing is I wanted kids and a married life from a young age compared to other guys who just f'ed around... did everything right, worked hard, dedicated myself to family but its so hard to have children... while other assholes just pop babies and probably dont even treat children right..

Oh yes and... mom said I am looking better LOL, wife said the same thing. I was able to close one hole extra on my belt today than last time I am definetely shrinking the waist. Weight is around 258-259lbs so it went up from 265.5lbs but I am leaner. Definetely looking 'leaner and more defined', less bloofy, but still a fatso haha, but love handles are shrinking which makes me feel alright