a_ahmed Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 Oh yes and... mom said I am looking better LOL, wife said the same thing. I was able to close one hole extra on my belt today than last time I am definetely shrinking the waist. Weight is around 258-259lbs so it went up from 265.5lbs but I am leaner. Definetely looking 'leaner and more defined', less bloofy, but still a fatso haha, but love handles are shrinking which makes me feel alright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) I've had a horrendous morning... wife and I cried for a good hour together... really heart broken and I am honestly blaming myself, were it not for me and my stupid condition this wouldn't be an issue for us... I am now on my 5th IVF in my life time, 2 with my ex and 3 with my wife... The eggs didn't go into blastocyst and arrested on the 6th day... we are so angry at the clinic.. as there is an argument between 3rd day and 5th day blastocyst and freezing and implantation on either of the day. Last year we had 5 healthy embryos that arrested by day 5, but they refuse to freeze them or use them... you can implant the 3rd day and it can still mature fully... but they prefer to do 5th day if its full blastocyst.... long story short... but its easy for them to say whatever arrogant answer they have... when we just spent 20 grand..... money i had to pull out from RRSP and other shit very hard... they are even more expensive now than ever before.... we are broke... and heart broken worst of all... i have one more frozen sample... and no money... It pained me so much, but it pained me a hundred times more to watch my wife cry for an hour straight... I feel like she hates me... It hurts me so much looking at hair break down.... Last time we did it she was pregnant but our baby became abnormal at around 10 or 13 weeks.... and we had to abort it... I was so happy when she was pregnant, but it turned into the worst feeling when we found out there was problems... it was the worst feeling... I broke down in the hospital... went through a lot of hell with my wife for a whole year as a result of it... it affected her a lot.... They did tests afterwards and found it was 'environmental factors'... not genetic, etc... whatever the hell that means to them in other words they have no answer....... And this time no embryos made it by day 6... its traumatizing... we argued with the doctor.. but they insisted blastocyst only.. Why did I have to have this stupid condition since my 20s... the funny thing is I wanted kids and a married life from a young age compared to other guys who just f'ed around... did everything right, worked hard, dedicated myself to family but its so hard to have children... while other assholes just pop babies and probably dont even treat children right.. Edited August 10, 2020 by a_ahmed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Bro, I’m sending you a huge hug. All of this is hard for me to read. I can’t imagine the demons you are dealing with right now. I can’t say anything that is going to make you feel better, but please stop blaming yourself. My sister went through this same thing with many failures and heart broken years until she finally just decided to adopt. im sure you’re wife is thinking a lot of “what if’s” right now, and words are said during stressful situations and stressful times. But you are her man, her rock, her safety and the other half of her soul. As she is for you. None of this is failure my friend, and you for sure are not a failure. All of these trials are proving your relationship with you wife, and proving that you are a man, and a spectacular future father. Chin up man, level out your stress levels. Go on a date day, go rent a king suite hotel room with a hot tub for a night or two and just be with your wife. Have a picnic, take a walk. Cook dinner together, and act like two kids falling in love. All of that might sound rediculous, but it may just be what the doctor ordered to help cut through these trying times. best of luck my friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryujiin Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 Man, thoughts and prayers to you. I know how hard it was for my wife and I to go through what we have been and its not even a quarter of what you are going through. Stay strong and we are here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaskedMisery Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 Please don't blame yourself brother. I know you're a strong guy, you'll make it work out don't worry. I can't imagine what you are going through, but please know that we are all here to support and help you however we can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 11, 2020 Author Share Posted August 11, 2020 (edited) I'll try to do my home workout today then tomorrow legs at gym. Trying my best to be around the wife to make her feel better, not that I'm feeling great myself. We'll pull through, only so many things in our control and in our hands. It's gonna be real tough to get another 18k... I don't know what to do but it is what it is... These clinics are money hungry heartless aholes. They raised their prices like 3 times in the past few years and the meds are high up there too... We're thinking doing it another country but itll still cost roughly the same....when you account for tickets and all. The messed up part is I only have one frozen sample... if I lose that I'll have to get off and do some serious HCG, clomid, aromasin, HMG whatever it takes to try and produce something... which may take a whole year or who knows.. I had these fertility and hormone issues way before I even knew what steroids actually are, I never took gear or anything like that, until after I got put on HRT. A lot to take in emotionally, mentally and physically as well as to try and make the wife feel better. It's a horrible feeling that all of this is because of me and my condition.. and obviously also lack of money since they make the whole ordeal so expensive. It's hard to hear the wife talk about how the only thing she wants is a child, and I can't do anything about it. When it comes to adopting we'd want to too but it's also 30k-40k from what I understand... it's kind of sad that even adopting a child who you want ot help and raise costs so much. Everything is made a business it's disgusting. WIth that said, wife still breaks down and tells me she still wants her own, and of coures I know the feeling. I want a mini her and a mini me. I love children regardless, so even adopting a child I am okay with, but, whichever way we look it's so hard. I am very emotional and touchy, the wife is not, she closes off, so while I'd like to comfort her and cuddle up to her, she is in a bad mood and I can't do too much. Just have to try and comfort her as best as I can under the circumstances. Edited August 11, 2020 by a_ahmed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 12, 2020 Author Share Posted August 12, 2020 This was yesterday Tuesday august 11 2020 Start 4:50pm Finish 5:50pm Home workout, was feeling blah but I tried to hype and push myself Sideways rotator band movement 15x20 slow 45x9 45x12 45x12 45x6 45x7 Rear rotator band 15x20 15x20 15x20 15x14 15x14 15x20 Floor Press system C3x25 C2x23 C1x27 C4x17 C3x12 C2x14 C2x18 C4x7 inclined position have to be careful due to shoulders but attempting Single arm band pulls upwards of delts, to hit rear delt and to help with my bicep tendonitis rehab 45x12 45x12 I slept badly, had a rough day and bad news, next three months work-wise gonna be jam packed. Not looking forward to it. Tried to take a nap but no go, so going to just go to gym now for legs I injected 200mg tren-e and 200mg mast-e today. Off I go to the gym! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 14, 2020 Author Share Posted August 14, 2020 Will post an update just waiting to put Wifey to bed I've been insanely bloated last few days not sure I understand why but wife made some pancakes few days ago with blueberries n i think it may be it cuz im looking pregnant last three days... Weight not dropping! I feel clogged and im drinking tons of water Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 Mmmm pancakes... I like pancakes!!! hope your stress has come down some. That bloat could be stress related, cortisol can do some funny things to the body. You’re also on quite a few orals, and just added in tren, your liver is now working overtime which can also result in some bloat. If anything else, dump a couple scoops of fiber in your next protein drink and call the plumber! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 14, 2020 Author Share Posted August 14, 2020 lol@plumber Yeah I suspect as much with the orals, well sdrol specifically. Trying to really push my water intake high up but yeah... def stress... Just trying to be nice to the wife but she's being very aggressive to me... and I am helpless... just have to take it all one step at a time... depressing... I injected 200mg tren-e and mast-e I don't think I mentioned it few days ago and will do so tomorrow 100mg tren-e and 200mg test-e and 200mg mast-e. For a total of 200mg test-e, 400mg mast-e and 300mg tren-e. Just this week.. trying to get an aggression boost... Wednesday august 12 2020 Start 515pm Finish 625pm Outer hip abductor All higher than last time 285x28 280x5>295x22 295x20 Inner hip abductor All higher than last time 280x25 300x20 305x14 Leg extensions All higher than last time 190x19 210x17 230x12 Leg curls 155x13 damn hard but heavier than last time 155x9 tough didn't have more in me Squats Did more weight, but had BP issues, bloat and stress. I am confident I would have done out way more reps were it not for the BP and stress... I still managed to close on 3rd hole (which is better than when I started) 185x12 nice n low 235x6 BP issue a bit 285x5 BP issues 305x3 325x2 Calf raises 90x23 140x6 weak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 14, 2020 Author Share Posted August 14, 2020 Thursday August 13 2020 Start 120pm Finish 220pm I had quite a bit of anxiety today from work. They are planning to make us go back into the office and I have a very long commute so I am not looking forward to that and I have so many projects lined up (what would normally take a whole year) which I somehow magically have to complete in 3 months. I can just take it all one thing at a time. I was gonna look for another job, but my job is safe during COVID.. but I am tired of the commute if I go back. If I could find something close to home and better paid I'd leave in a heart beat. Seated rows I did everything a tad more but at this point the progress is slowing down. I shouldn't go higher on any weight till it gets butter smooth in my opinion... 155x20 165x17 170x13 175x12 180x11 180x12 hard.. 180x6 dead tired Single pulldowns Pushed more reps and weight on everything, but due to the abdominal bloat, I feel like my muscles were really flat nothing was really absorbed. 110x20 115x16 120x9 120x10 really hard 125x11 125x13 125x14 Played Ab machine 70x8 70x8 70x11 Side oblique db 65x16 65x4>70x5>75x5 I am hoping tomorrow I'll not be bloated. I intend to train arms and decline bench, some shoulders, traps, rear delts, the usual routine. But wife has plans already... so urgh I'll see how I squeeze it in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 (edited) Definitely keep track of those carbs while on the tren and superdrol. Those two are going to make you flat anyway. Cycling the carbs will definitely help with blood pressure. Sodium intake too, though it’s very hard to really measure sodium when the tren sweats come into play, but less carbs equal less tren sides as well. You’re on a pretty hefty cycle, so a baby aspirin and 15-30mins of cardio a day will also help the BP issues. I always keep labetalol (super mild and safe bp pill they give to pregnant women) on hand for tren. Or if you can get yourself some cialis or Viagra pre workout to lower BP. Cialis is better for a pump, Viagra will just be an even more annoying boner you’re already getting from the test and tren lol. I hope that helps. I’m a paramedic by trade, so I’m really thinking here. If you know any old people, you could swipe some of their nitro they have for chest pains. That’s an instant drop in blood pressure lol also just thought, if you’re holding water, which in theory you really should be do to the compounds your on, and I suspect it is more stress related, that’s also taking a toll on your BP and grabbing a non stimulant diuretic (water pill is how it’s sometimes marketed) could also aid in some relief, just keep up with your potassium if you go that route Edited August 14, 2020 by Mikk0090 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 14, 2020 Author Share Posted August 14, 2020 LOL yeah i occasionally use cialis for that very reason and for pumps. I get sides from Viagra (clogged nose and dry eyes), so I haven't used it in a very very long time. Viagra has given me random boners in the past outside and at the gym, totally unintentional, it's very uncomfortable because it's just random, it's quite embarrassing when you're deadlifting and your thing is hanging out there No it's not a full on boner, but it's 'alive' LOL Yeah I think I may half the sdrol... down to 10mg... it's still effective. Tren is weird, it can both flatten me, burn up carbs like nothing, but then boom the bloat can happen too and then you bloof out. So strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 14, 2020 Share Posted August 14, 2020 I’ve just come to realize that random boners at the gym are just part of being on gear lol. I’ve got some pre workout injection that’s 50 tren susp, 50 test susp, 25 anadrol and 25 dbol I’ll sometimes shoot before a leg day when I have a partner, and it’s pretty much insta boner lol. Tren cycles for me will have me huge and full for the first 2 weeks, then the flat, dry and grainy look starts to come in. Superdrol can be finicky, and I’ve ran both 10mg and 20mg before, I don’t see much difference other than strength gainz and hella more sides on the higher end. Aesthetically the doses seem the same for me, and with the other stuff your on, 10mg is enough to really shine and get you that full and hard look with noticeable size gains. I’ve always said tren with superdrol is the body changer, as long as you can keep the appetite from tanking too bad. when I mentioned diuretic I mean just a normal over the counter one. No lasix lol. But it could very well help with the BP issue, and around here a store brand non stimulant is like $7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 Today was the worst workout yet. I'll post more details. My gut is like I gained 15lbs... I have a tire around me wtf? I never had these issues this bad i the past and I've run sdrol many times, pulsed it, etc... same with tren as high as 700mg of ace.... (in better more hardcore days...) I was reading and it seems I should try some glutamine to help... I am like a pregnant man and nothing seems to be absorbing I am SO flat... no pump, everywhere I look smaller wtf? First few days I looked epic, full, pumped, bigger and LEANER... now.. I look like a total wreck... and feel crap. Also no drive/aggression. Had to really push myself mentally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 I slept over 9 Hours and still tired. Also for the first time got darker urine. So it may have been a bad idea getting greedy lol. Barely ate all day so tired I cant move. Taking day off. I bought 120x 1g NAC pills and took one today... I may just drop sd and tren if it impacts me this bad. I am maybe just getting old lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Superdrol does that to me. Makes me unmotivated and tired all of the time. Could be the orals doing it to you bro, when your liver has to work hard, the lethargy comes quick. I would keep the tren, since it’s already a mild dose and drop the superdrol and see how you feel after a couple days. If still feel the same, drop the tren and keep superdrol. I love the effects of superdrol on my physique, especially while getting shredded, but the sides associated with it make it such a chore to run. As I get older I try to stick with the “feel good” type cycles unless it’s time for a prep, then in just going to be miserable anyway. There is definitely a lot of hype associated with superdrol, but those sides just make it not worth the trouble in most situations. hope you start feeling better soon bro! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 17, 2020 Author Share Posted August 17, 2020 Second day of NAC, I took 3g of NAC today and 4g of vit c. Long story short, compared to Friday which was misery, I was finally starting to feel better. I dropped SD and will keep it off, won't even pulse and like you said doing exactly the same, I will stay on tren and see how things move along. Today was a redo of Friday and it was 'better'. I actually got some pumps, gut going down. Feeling better. Sat I slept a good 9-10 hours. Sunday I slept a good 9 hours... by afternoon started feeling better. Hopefully tomorrow is an even better day. I am getting old too... sometimes less is more I am just getting old... also I am sensitive to certain foods and combined with working the liver, well yeah it'll all go haywire... plus stress from last week, lack of sleep, stress from work, all converging at me at once. I was spent and burnt out... At least I got to cuddle up and rest up with the wife all weekend long. Got to see parents... and today's workout while barely half an hour made me feel a tad better. Appetite coming back also made me feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 17, 2020 Author Share Posted August 17, 2020 And to add to the above, BT's stuff is legit and strong and SD is no joke. I just can't handle it like I used to I suppose.. I still have it on hand so maybe on some deadlift days I may pulse 10-20mg, but for now, nope. I miss halotestin, that stuff made me actually feel good... Also wifey might start training with me again, that may be a good or bad thing lol, I am on pace, training almost like my old days where I am determined and focused, very zoned out, in and out of the gym. She may not keep up and may want me to leave early before I'm done. At the same time I want her to train and feel good too. Have to take it easy with her in the start. I always did, but I knew when to push her. She was my favorite person to train and train with, and I've trained and trained with a few competitors and she was still my fav person to train/train with Very determined/focused girl. But after over 8 months out of gym more or less, and not feeling so great about herself I want to do my best to make her feel good but I still don't wana stop my pace. I love her to bits. Here was the last two workouts (same routine attempted despite the issues): Friday August 14 2020 Start 5:54pm Finish 7:23pm Had to crawl and push through this session from misery and lack of pump Pills 1x BT SD 2x BT Cialis (hoping to keep BP down didnt work) 2x BT Anavar 2x BT Stanolone 3x Cardarine (didn't help felt miserable) 200mg Caff (didn't help) 1x BT Alb (didn't help) Very flat despite cialis, I looked miserable in the face, horrible skin, droopy eyes, literally smaller overall everywhere, I looked fatter like I gained 10lbs-15lbs fatter. Full on tire around me wtf........ Reverse deck 130x18 hard but I did it very focused... 130x16 same 130x11 same 130x6 Decline bench All worse 155x15 no pump totally flat 155x15 175x11 blah 175x12 blah 175x6 195x8 195x5 Db curl 40x8 terrible like my arms shrunk hardcore no pump and left wrist hurting bad 40x9 42.5x9 slightly better 45x8 sort of a pump... 45x5 blah 45x7 blah 45x7 Tricep rope Sort of started feeling pump 30x15 30x15 45x16 Five min on phone with wife, took a pause and lost what little pump I had here lol 45x6 35x19 35x19 35x12 waste to do anymore here Flat bar cable Bicep curl Pathetic, like I catabolized my arms 35x9 35x12 35x6 Life fitness delt fly machine I actually did more reps AND no pain on right shoulder which made me feel good, but no pump lol 110x25 110x25 125x12 125x18 140x15 140x10 done... Facepull Finished off some light stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 17, 2020 Author Share Posted August 17, 2020 Today's redo attempt but had to leave cause gym was closing early on a weekend, it was enough to make me feel better, get a bit of a pump and to bring back my appetite when I got home. Sunday August 16 2020 Had to wait a good 20+ minutes in line... Start 430 Finish 500pm Decline bench 135x27 155x20 175x13 175x7 195x8 Db curl 42.5x11 pain in right bicep 45x9 ok 45x9 45x8 50x7 hammer curls 50x8 hammers Tri rope 35x20 42.5x14 42.5x18 tough So while on paper the above kinda sucked, it made me feel better and I was starting to get a pump and fill out... so to be continued... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 17, 2020 Author Share Posted August 17, 2020 Okay, I am definitely 'feeling' better today, so SD is off the table for me. About to make some food, was gonna bbq and lo and behold a big thunder storm raining down I will possibly do a light workout today too, to continue off yesterday's short half hour, then tomorrow do something heavier. Let it be a deload week of sorts for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 Glad to hear you’re feeling better, that superdrol is some nasty stuff. If you’re wanting to stay fuller on that tren but keep the bloat down, throw in some TBOL. You’re already on the anavar, and in my experiences anavar and tbol together will give comparable results on the physique as superdrol will, and it’s 700000 times less harsh on the system as superdrol is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 18, 2020 Author Share Posted August 18, 2020 I was considering tgat actually... But it ends up costing more. Its an ultra amazing drug and oral stack. Lots of older guys used to stack var n tbol together with amazing results. I used to look my best on that with mast prop n tren ace. Strations and pumps all in one fr me. All day unbelievable pumps and fullness while waist trims Well I'll continue without sd for now... N maybe n next order consider getting it but I'll take it ezz.. I did a nice half hour session today trying to hit shoulders for the first time. Still right shoulder is not playing nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikk0090 Posted August 18, 2020 Share Posted August 18, 2020 Yea, tbol is seriously under rated, or people just have never heard of it. It has definitely made a comeback the last few years due to the online labs. Back when I first started, it was basically only test, tren, deca, dbol, and winny. If you could find anavar it was under dosed and over priced, all primo was fake, and turanibol was marketed as the female Dbol lol. I’m definitely not complaining with the variety and prices now a days though, and the ease of getting what you need without the hassle of the old days lol. back to the tbol. I love the stuff, and can be used in so many different ways. It’s safe for women in low doses, and it reminds me of dbol with the “feel good” mental properties of it. Now that I think of it, I might opt for it instead of dbol in my next cycle. i hope things are calming down for you bro, stress, life, injury frustration etc. you’ve got a lot on your plate now, and I hope that tren doesn’t bring on extra anxiety and stupid thoughts for you. By our short little conversation here on the forum, you seem like a great, smart, and funny guy. I hate seeing guys down in the dumps, so in the least gay way possible, I’ve been thinking about you a lot bro. I sincerely hope things turn around for you soon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_ahmed Posted August 18, 2020 Author Share Posted August 18, 2020 Thanks brother, a lot on my mind for sure, but I'll push through! Monday August 16 2020 Start 504pm Finish 551pm Smith machine Empty x 15 20x30 40x20 50x22 60x15 70x10 90x7 ok considering it's been so long since I did any kind of shoulder training because of my injury 70x8 needed to stop because of right shoulder, enough for today Lateral plate raises 10x20 Just to get some blood in Lateral db raises 35x10 40x12 42.5x12 45x5 had to stop pain in right shoulder Front db raise 42.5x10 45x8 Life fitness delt fly machine 130x13 pain in right shoulder 130x8 too much pain in right shoulder had to stop Reverse deck 130x15 130x11>100x14 100x10 100x9 85x17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.